so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
