dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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