How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
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