Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
You need Xanax blowdarts
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
