Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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