so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
