cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Randomize
