We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
