I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
