Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
