i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
