Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
