I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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