I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
