Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
