i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
