careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
did i walk over a car last night?
they're like a gay fantastic four
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
