I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
