So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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