I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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