I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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