Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
