I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Randomize
