I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
