so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
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