The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
