But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
i now understand why vodka
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
