I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
