You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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