I'm really into asian looking animals
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
