He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I think your dad took our porno
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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