Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
