How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
