hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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