Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
