i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
