First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
