We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
