Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
