i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
