my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
