After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
