No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
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