I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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