it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
