I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
