At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Randomize
