All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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