I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
i need some magic done to my vagina
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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