You made me cry and you don't even care
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
my phone needs a breathalizer
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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