We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
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