I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
