The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
