I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
