I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
