I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize
