he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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