I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
