At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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