well I can't set my house on fire every night
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
