I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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