so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
