He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
